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I'll take a brief break from writing academic papers and decided to post an entry. I feel that for the past days in my life I am consumed by one dreadful thing-thesis. It's not dreadful like a beast with fangs and nasty breath, it's more like I dread it coz if I won't do it well it might be my impediment for my goal this year. I am getting nerder than ever. You know you woke up at dawn and the first thing that enters your head when your in the state of consciousness is thesis, then you could no longer go back to sleep. It's really dreadful, to think that up to now I am still confuse and unsure if I'm doing the right thing or I'm on the right track. My sister told me it's unusual for me not talking about the amusing things people do at school or my one-sided infatuations. The truth is I am not surprised why I am liked this coz I made up my mind to do so. I was quite successful burrying those silly thoughts of mine lately. However, in my state of REM, what were suppressed surfaced, what were forgotten became alive in dreams, shoot, it seemed that face surely knows how to enter in my realm of thoughts again. But I'm fine with it, I'm learning to keep whatsoever emotions sober (sober but not deleted, what's for werewolf is something i can't get out of my system, it's been a struggle for the last 6 years, prospects of overpowering him have come and gone but he always remained which I can't understand when I barely know him-what good has he done to me?-he puzzles me so). But aside from that wolf and thesis, there are other things that are taking a bit of myself... Why do I let so many things get through me? Like Lakers, I really do want them to have the best record in the league and so i ended up disappointed when they lose a game.. what I don't like about it is that they just barely lose when they lost against their opponents.. I should learn not to be so affected after all it's just a sport, right?
Change topic...Oh, I have been thinking lately (and I am a bit annoyed but still I really find it amusing) how my friends and famiy became traitors when face-to-face with my interest.. like how a friend of mine burst into laughter in front of... how my best buddy completely sold me out, leaving no place for that person to wonder that I have an inclination for him... how my barkada once cause a commotion and pushed me to... how my sister and father pick on me when this person is around..or how a slip of a tongue by a relative can cause even the least person you could expect to find out, finds out, and what makes it double the trouble is that person will definitely speak of it to him and his circle... I am so obvious that my only shield right now is my acting skills..To act and pretend they don't know anything is so foolish but I'm doing it anyway..I won't make any advancement, I had given more than enough hints or should I say thanks to my friends and family for being the voice when I didn't ask them to..Am I really that hopeless that people deliberately make efforts and go out of their way without me asking to communicate my feelings to someone? Or is the other party, that someone, do really need some push? But it's not really working..all it ever did was boost the ego of that person..yah see,thanks for the trouble and now I really don't know how to act naturally in front of the person..and I bet he doesn't either..so thanks guys for the awkwardness you're causing us..
Any-hows I think what I said about that issue is enough to lessen my stress over it...But stress doesn't end there...
I just realized I have a really tough week ahead...
midterm for Anthro 1 with kazillion of readings that I have not yet finish reading...an instructional video which will be starred by yours truly...journal entries and a reading that our professor specially mentioned to be read carefully in my crisis communication (I only have read 3 pages)...read Oedipus Rex, study movie elements and Aristotle's tragedy (need to do it coz there will be a graded recitation)..to top it off..there willonly be 10 days before thesis draft submission..and I failed to mention i will be the 3rd one to defend my thesis... Need to unleash my superhuman powers.. Oh, i can't wait to put an end to this demanding UP life so I got to put extra effort as of the moment..kunting tiis na lang... Pray for me.

sorry, rein but i am eating up the words i've said..promise not to like someone in such a way that i want to be with that person someday..but i guess i can excuse myself..
today unexpectedly a message was sent saying he'll come by and just like that i lost myself..he came and what was i believed to be dead, arose..i told myself not to hope, to forget, to move on..but just when i learned to he once again popped into my world..i had give up all hopes and told myself no to feel this way again especially to him but here he goes again..he keeps on doing this over and over again..he surely knows when's the perfect timing..once again, thoughts of him is in my mind..once again, i am inclined to believe there is something beneath..i hated myself, i betrayed myself..i tried to keep it cool but i failed..i guess you couldn't control what's really there inside..in front of him i cannot help but be conscious..eating in front of him is one of the hardest thing to do (what a funny scenario though)..it doesn't take a genius to notice there's something weird going on inside of me..knees weak, hardly speak..just like the song, tried hard to fight it, no way can i deny it..well, i don't know if he feels a bit the same..but one thing is certain i can't help but smile..
haay, nadine, return of the come back..here goes silly old corny me..the pathetic lovestruck me..i thought i could stay the icy nadine..no risk, no pain, carefree, but well with what i am feeling right now, i guess it's ok to risk when you feel like this..so warm in the inside just like eating hershey kisses even better..
Christmas. The most awaited season. Why do we have to wait until the end of the year to celebrate it when Christ wasn't actually born on December but actually on April? Perhaps, this doesn't matter as long as we feel the spirit of Christmas though the essence of Christmas nowadays seems to be vanishing. Honestly, do people really think about Jesus and the significance of his birth? We spend money, buy gifts, eat plenty, new clothes, new shoes and be merry. It seems commercialized. And there are those people who carol just for the sake of earning money, and don't even say thank you..Or is it strange that we replace the CHRIST in Christmas with an X instead. But still I believe Christmas still lives in everyone's heart...every time we share our time with those we loved, eating together, giving gifts, just being delighted even though we might not really think directly of Jesus but (even the atheist, non-Christians) still do things that exemplifies Jesus. That's why I still believe that the influence of Christ lies in this worldly world. And I hope Christmas is everyday, how wonderful would that be, though it seems idealistic. But yet Christmas can be everyday and should be everyday, each morning we wake up we shall always be grateful that unto us a Savior is born, that through him men might be.